A glaring mirror ?

I can't help myself, I'm a patriotic royalist, I'm happy with that and guess it's all part of being brought up a son of a member of the armed services. Something else I've done since childhood is follow football ,specifically Leeds United in the days of Don Revie , Peter " Hotshot" Lorimer , Billy Bremner et al. Naturally I make efforts to watch our national team play in  competetive matches on T.V too, I believe in supporting any sportsperson who represents our country.
 Over the last few years I've casually followed the exploits of those teams battling it out in the Premier League. Not anymore, I've had enough of the football circus,  it's nothing more  than a massive industry that frankly takes the piss out of it's faithful paymasters. Wages  are insultingly huge for many in the topflight but what really requires examination is the cheating ( encouraged by all concerned I would argue) , the histrionics and appalling conduct on the field of those who are deemed to be role models to our children. We as a viewing / supporting ( many of whom are also paying ) public have been sucked into this branded circus and its exactly in this position that those who run / finance and sell the game want to keep us. Let me tell you now, it's bollocks and it's time we put a stop to it.
 As far as I'm concerned , football can do as it likes but it must recognise its responsibilities to our younger generations. All players cheat , they dive for fouls , appeal for decisions they know they have no right to claim, harrass and blatantly abuse referees and complain bitterly when their opponents do exactly the same.Their behaviour is pathetic to put it mildly and yet the authorities do nothing to stamp it out ! And why? because they want it to happen , whilst they may not encourage it , though passively I think they do, the powers that be in football are happy for this poor sportsmanship to continue.
 Why for instance do you think they're resisting using 4th referees for replay decisions , two reasons I suspect. with camera replays players would be getting sent off left right and centre for cheating and that wouldn't be good for business! Why , because when fans see cheating it creates tension , passion and emotion which lasts long after the final whistle. Such incidents make for good back page copy and keeps players and matches alive as a topic of conversation long into the next week. A slice of passion is naturally healthy but it's become more than that and has evolved into a season long war of accusations, and traded insults. In the cold light of day, football has little to be proud of because anything that is worthy about it is drowned in the mire of the circus.
 Personally, trhe icing on the cake for me was the South African World Cup and the performances of our national side. They suckered me good and proper I'll admit. I bought the t-shirt and the bloody huge flag for the front of the house , I truly thought our " world class " players could go a long way in the competition. Well what happened is history now and premiership footballers and their game can fuck off , I aint interested anymore, they didnt just let us down , they spat in our collective face and walked off like nothing had happened to their nice holidays. You don't need me and I sure as hell don't need you , I'll support honest sportsmen who at least look like they give a shit. One more thing, I don't trust anyone who , when representing our country can't be bothered to sing our national anthem with any pride.

do i need or want one ??

it's frustration, it's confusing, dissatisfaction , any number of things !. It's not feeling in control of much at all !! , I don't need to know my destiny but it's fucking hard not feeling like I have a purpose. So I'm 46 cruising aimlessly towards 47 and I haven't a clue !! I'm not stupid or clueless ha , or am I ? , I have no idea, I really don't , all around me , friends , some I have a whole heap of respect for , colleagues, acquaintances, no problem , ticking nicely along with life, me fuck knows, I can't make sense of it , what am I here for ??
I lost a friend a couple of years ago,a very special man, an extrovert, he loved life, loved his family and his friends, could always see the positive, uncannily so , such a special man. I'm looking at a press clipping of him now, I miss him and know I'm not the only one. If anyone had inner peace I'd have bet my right arm it would be him , how wrong I was, shit, to sit and chew the fat with him now !!
    I've always had , I suppose you could call it an "inferiority complex", me , I think it's that mixed up with a whole lot of " useless twat" , ha, let's agree on inferiority complex for now ( thank fuck the web is so big this blog of mine will occupy less than a gnat's interest of some corner !).
   Funny, I wish so often that I could say I don't care with some sincerity but truth is , I do !!, dunno if it's injustices I see or whether a pyschiatrist would tell me it's a deep rooted recognition of the fact that I'm impotent to do anything about it all !!